Breakup Blues

It's been 7 months since we had our break up.  We've been together for just only 2 months.  But it seemed that it affected me like I'm losing a couple of years of a relationship.  I took it so hard like it was the most tragic event that I have to encounter.  The worst of all worsts.

Because of such, more likely, I find myself staring at the open with a blank face.  My mind wandering its way back to the memories that we had.

Reminiscing those moments we spent together.  Rekindling those days that I was by your side, damn worried, because you got so sick.  Remembering those times that you and I pretty much talk about anything under the sun.

So many memories that reminds me so much of you.

I'm half-crazy over you.  No, not just half!  I'm totally crazy over you.  I'm head over heels with you.  I'm so in love with you.

Doesn't those stuffs make it more obvious of how it affects me so much?!  My blog says it all.  My facebook status, my twitter tweets.  Those sleepless nights.  Those tears.

I'll never get over you!

'Tis Christmas

Christmas is just a few hours from now.  I'm kinda excited about it, honestly.  After 3 years of spending Christmas at work, I finally get to enjoy noche buena with my family.  I finally get to celebrate Christmas at home.

The excitement I have can be compared to that of a child.  Can't blame myself for feeling this way.  For the past years, I've been spending the holidays just in my work station.  I witness some fireworks but I just watched them behind the glass window of our office.  On my way to the office, I saw people on the streets mingling with their neighbors, counting down the hours for Christmas eve, greeting each other "Happy Holidays".  That was kinda sad for me.

But now, I get to do those stuffs as well.  I get to enjoy the season without being stuck at my work station, answering calls from people I don't really know of.

'Tis the Christmas to remember.

Happy Holidays everyone!

For You

This blog is intended for you.  I'm not sure if you can read this or if you will read this.  But I wrote this to let you know what I want to say and how I still feel for you.

It's your big day today.  I just wanna greet you a happy candles cake day!  I wish you would have a great day today.  You are so blessed with your friends and with your family as well.  Just do take care of your life and health.  You know how much I care for you.  You are a witness to that.

Anyways, I do miss you so much.  I miss those days that we were still together.  I miss those days were you never missed to paint a smile on my face.  I miss those times that you made me feel everything is gonna be just fine.  Even those moments were you made me feel that someone is still there when everyone turns their back away from me.

I should have hold on much longer.  I shouldn't have given up on us too easily.  But the fear of being ignored overruled me.  The fear of being just the second one to your family caused me to let go.  I know I was a bit selfish on that matter.  But I am not asking for all of your time.  All I wanted was for you to spare even a single minute for me.  Even a single empty text message would do as long as I can see your name appearing on my phone.  With that, you would assure me that you still exists for me.  Is that too much to ask?

I don't know how you feel for me right at this moment.  But all I know is that I still do, honestly, love you so much.  Call me a crazy, a stupid or a freak but I still have that little hope in me that somehow, someday, time will give us the chance to be together again.  And if that chance would come, I would surely hold on to it and never let go of that again.

Once again, have a happy natal day!

I miss you and I love you!

SRP (Sunset Ride with Papa) Part II

Once again, I found myself just situated behind my dad who's driving the motorcycle.  It's a bit uncomfortable since I got a couple of bags sitting on my lap.  But, nonetheless, nothing can stop me from appreciating the beauty of sunset.

The street is a bit busy today.  It's filled with the rumbling noise coming from the different rides around us.  It's jam packed with travelers eagerly heading to each of their humble abode.  But then again, all of these has no sense to me when I've got my eye on the relaxing view of the horizon.

I never get tired of nature appreciation.  It doesn't bore me.  Even if I would just sit on the mountain top all day, watching the sun from the time it rises until the time it sets down, for me it would be a soothing thing to do.

SRP (Sunset Ride with Papa)

A sunset ride.

As we entered the vicinity yesterday afternoon, a picture of a beautiful sunset was revealed.  The horizon was painted with flaming red.  The ocean calmly awaits for the day to end.  The street lights brighten the road for the travelers.  And as we speed up, I can feel the strong blow of the wind.

Vehicles may be rumbling down the road, racing their hearts out towards their destination.  But I can still hear the children laughing, playing, running around the street side.  Their little happy voice calms me within.  Giving me a moment to reminisce my childhood days.

As we go along the way, I can see the people getting ready for the night.  I see them out of their houses also await for the sun to set, for the day to end.  Some are attending to their front yard.  Some are preparing for supper.  Some are mingling with their neighbors.

With this ride, I have realized that life is as simple as that.  At the start of the day, people start to work on their daily routine until the end of the day.  As the sun finally rests, it would only mean one thing.  Another day to live life as simple as it can be.

A Heart's Cry

 I was never contented 'Til I found you.  I was so happy that, finally, we've been Together.  And all I ever wanted was to Grow old with you.  I was thinking that When God made you, God must have spent a little more time on you.  From the heart, I promised myself to be with and to love you always.

But, then, came my worst nightmare.  I may have gave up on us easily but, still, I stay in love with you.

I admit that I'm Half crazy over you.  Not just half-crazy but totally over you.  Even head over heels.

Thought I had my One last cry over you but I was wrong.  Many sleepless nights followed that tears just keep pouring down.  My friends would say that one last talk to clear things out would do Before I let you go but it's not enough for me.  I don't mind if you stick to enjoying your life but Why can't it be us?!

I have waited before, then, I can still Wait for you.

Ancient Wonders

The Sphinx and the pyramids in Egypt. Atlantis, the lost city. Ancient relics buried underground. Secret passages yet to be discovered.

Those were just a few of the wondrous things created by our ancestors. Those are some proofs that there are more beyond what our eyes can see. There are more that are yet to be discovered. There are more that are yet to be known by mankind.

Though history was old-fashioned but, definitely, the present is way too far out. We may be living in a world run by the best technologies. We may be living a life in a fast pace. But the outstanding creations of ancient mankind is beyond compare.

No wonder there is so much abundance before compare today. Talking about all the treasures that they're getting. Their dedication to nature paid-off. They are now part of our ancient history. They left a mark for us to rekindle. Those are the real treasures that is of no monetary value. Treasures of life that is worth fighting for.

Missing Piece

I've got a new job. I found a resolution to my problem. I should be happy. I am happy. But when I would really dig deeper within me, it seems that something is still missing. It's something that I really don't know what it is. It's something that really haunts me everyday. It's something that really fogs my mind about it. It's something that I really don't have any idea where and how to find it. It's something that is really killing me. It's something that really drives me nuts.

Every minute of the day, questions would just flood me. Questions that can't be answered. Or let's just say, questions that has answers but I haven't just found them yet. Or maybe, the answers are just there but I just don't recognize them or I'm just in denial of those. Everyday, I would ask myself, "What would that missing piece be?". And everyday, I would try to find the answer. I'm actually sick and tired of going through this dilemma.

But I guess, answers will just come as I walk through my life's own path. And I think the answer to my dilemma is just around the corner. All I need is just to be aware of it and bring it into acknowledgment and learn to accept it into my life.

Missing piece, I'm on my way to find you.

Are we there yet?!

Flood overflowed that many suffered. Gigantic waves to caused a total wipe out. The land shook and killed a lot. Famine starts devouring places. Unruly wind that trembled the human race.

Disaster after disaster. Destruction over another. People losing few of what they have. People are losing the life they have. Many would say that these misfortunes are punishments for losing our respect to nature. Others would say that these are consequences to man's sinful nature. But for some, they view it differently. They would look at it as signs. Signs that we're almost at the end of the road. Signs that the race is about to end. Signs that the day is about to come. The day that we've all been waiting for. The day of judgment for all of us.

Could these really be signs? Could they possibly be right?

If they are, then are we all ready? Are we all ready to receive our greatest victory? Or how about face our total doom? Or should we need to prepare to swim the burning fire of Hades? Or do we find ourselves worthy to walk the golden path of Heaven?

These are just few of the simple questions but it takes a lifetime to get the answers.

After going through these series of unfortunate events, maybe it's time for us to ponder on what we have been doing with our borrowed lives. So that in the end, we could eagerly and excitingly ask, "Are we there yet?"

The Wrath of Ondoy

"OH...CRAP...!!! Ang laking damage. GRABE!!! Lalim ng tubig. Mga kotse nagpapatungpatong. Ang daming bahay na natabunan ng baha. Nakakaawa naman. Mga bata't matatanda, nilalamig at nagugutom. Grabe talaga si Ondoy!!!" This is how I reacted when I saw the news the other night.

A heartbreaking tragedy that brought destruction to many. An unruly calamity that made a lot to suffer. A vicious disaster that took away so many lives. A wicked nightmare that will forever haunt the casualties.

It was during the night and the people were asleep when Ondoy chose to strike its madness. The noise of the heavy rain brought by the said typhoon might have awaken some of the residents. But it was the flood that was building up at a fast pace alarmed the entire neighborhood. Panicked, people tried to save their families, their stuffs, their home. Many were so blessed to have survive the entire night of sudden misfortune. But some were unfortunate to make it to the next sunrise.

But for those who were fated to live, their sufferance was not over yet. They may have made it through but the absence of the necessary commodities started to become a burden. And what adds up to it is that families are missing lives. Lives that got apart. Lives that, until now, has no surety if they would turn up freezing but breathing or they would end up in the morgue as cold stiff corpses.

Ondoy did not just took so many from the people but also left a mark. A mark of agony, pain and suffering. A mark that, like a scar, would forever be a reminder to the victims that they once fought against nature's wrath for their sake to live.

Ondoy may have been unkind to the human realm but it also showed one thing to the people. The occurence of such tragic happening is a clear visual that we can never be assured of our security here on earth. May we be rich or poor, an icon or just a commoner. When nature strikes its wrath, money is of no value. When nature moves, we are all equal beings.

So, for us who are so blessed to be spared by the onslaught, we should all bring out the "bayanihan" trait that Filipinos are known for. We should all be united in giving out a huge helping hand to those in need. May it be in monetary, in kind or in prayer. Whatever we do to reach out to these victims, however we do it, it would be a great help for these lives to stand up and start anew.

All for God

God always gives the very best to His children.

Our congregation just had a "Music Sunday" featuring the different ways of giving worship to our awesome Father. It shows that we can worship the ultimate Creator not just through singing but also in some other ways like dancing, acting or just by playing a musical instrument. The event also showcased the different talents that was yet to be discovered from every member of the congregation. The event has blessed so many and with this, to God be the glory. But since the event was all about exalting God, the enemy also didn't took a rest in stopping us from what we were about to do. The enemy had so many tactics that he really tried everything to divert our attention away from what is about to happen.

Just like with our group. We've been through a lot a week before the show. There were a lot of factors that almost made us give up. But the very frustrating one was when 2 of the performers who carried the main roles of the human video gave us the news that they couldn't make it for the show for some reason. We were very much worried about who would replace them. But though we haven't have found yet the replacements, we still continued with the final practice and we still worked on the props.

And then general practice day came. We're almost done with the props. We already have agreed with the costumes. All the casts were present except for the replacements. So, what we did with my co-director, we picked up the replacements from the casts. And we're glad to make one of them agreed to do one of the main roles. Then, general practice was over but we haven't showed the head of the event our presentation for the final critic yet coz we still haven't got the replacement for the major character. Then, we had a little talk with the group and discussed about the current situation. We we're actually on a now-or-never status. As we went on with the talk, we considered the factors that really encouraged us to pursue. Factors like the props was already 70% to completion. The efforts that was poured out by the group to come up with presentation. The sacrifices being made. And lastly, we don't want the enemy to be laughing at us for being such losers. After the talk, by God's grace, my brother stood out and agreed to do the major role. After everything was settled, we had a few run downs for the presentation and then we called it a night.

F‌inally, the day came and we were all on the rush coz we woke up kinda late. We still had some few last minute briefing and improvising. Then our moment came. We just entrusted our presentation all to God. As the music started to play, although there are some technical encounters, everything just went well. The group just had a very outstanding performance. This is all because of God who was and will always be in our midst. The presentaion brought blessing to each and everyone of us. And we were all glad that we didn't allow the enemy to hinder us from glorifying God. The day, though we're very much drained, ended so well.

To God be the glory! ^_^

"IT"

Here "IT" goes again. This is what I felt when "IT" started. But "IT" just ended up in chaos. "IT" turned my entire life around. "IT" turned me upside down. From perfect to a big mess. From better to worst. And "IT" even made me reached to the point where I wanted to be in TOTAL SILENCE.

My life would have been better if it weren't for "IT". I could have accomplished more than what I already have. I could have enjoy doing things that I have been planning for quite sometime. Things could have been running smoothly. But, just because of "IT", everything went topsy-turvy.

Now, there are so many "IF'S" swimming in my head. If only I were too careful. If only I were too cautious. If only I was not acting dumbed. If only I wasn't stupid enough. If only "IT" didn't happen, I could have been standing on better grounds.

But, hey, I have no regrets to it coz I was the one who made the choice to be under the spell. But I, even, am thankful that "IT" happened coz "IT" made me learned a lot. "IT" made me realize some things about myself on how I should run matters in life. "IT" made me stand on my feet and start to relive the life that fell into the pit of darkness.

And, now, here "IT" is. As part of life that I'm going to relive, time has given me another chance to be in "IT" again. This is another chance for me to handle such matter better than how I handled "IT" before. Another chance that should not be dealt with hastiness to avoid another mess in life. Another chance that should be dealt with a lot of cautiousness. Another chance for me to play smart and not dumb. Another chance for me to carry things out with maturity in me.

I'll just hold on to the thought that if it's for me then it will come. And if that is how it's gonna be, so shall it be.

SECRETS: Does everybody has this?!

Each one of us is unique. Each of us has different views in life. None of us are alike. Not even the strands of hair that we have on our head. Not even our finger prints are the same. But there is this one little thing that would make us all agree as one. SECRETS.

Everyone has it's own secrets in life. It may be dark secrets or good ones. Some would say that they don't keep one to themselves. But I do believe that no matter how small it is, all of us have secrets hidden at the deepest part of ourselves. We tend to keep secrets for some reasons, especially, dark little ones. Fear is one of them. We fear that if people would discover our darker side, they might hate us. People, might criticize us. Civilization might isolate us. The world might not be able to accept us.

But I don't know. This is just my opinion. I was just actually wondering if there is even one person who doesn't have any SECRETS.

Whatta Weekend!!!

I've been away from home for two straight days. Together with my beautiful co-director/co-choreographer, as what we humbly call ourselves (LOLz), we were trying to conceptualized and choreographed a human video presentation. And I tell you, it's not really that easy. It would really take you to squeeze out the very last drop of idea you've got in mind.

But what I like with this little project of ours is that we've got the best people in town teamed up. Not just the best but the most creative beings. And with our minds put together as one and with God's Holy Spirit working with us, I believe that we would be able to come up with the best show that would exalt and glorify God.

And, oh, before I forget, I just want to acknowledge the best part of my weekend. We made french toast with chocolate and banana filling. And that was so deliciously satisfying. And, of course, we had a couple of movies and then we played card games that really made us awake 'til the sun was almost up. Then we turned in. We woke up and had the rehearsals going again and we called it a day and we're all off to each of our homes, our families.

I just had a really good weekend.

Real-lusions

I never dreamt of a perfect relationship coz I know I could never make one. Nor wanting a perfect love coz I know I could never have it. All I ever wanted is to be love. To be love with no questions. To be love with no hesitations. To be love with no conditions. To be love with no doubts. To be love with all honesty. To be love purely. To be love with full trust. To be love with full joy. To be love and not expecting something in return. To be love with full satisfaction.

I guess all of these comes down to one adjective for the kind of love that I would want and that would be UNCONDITIONAL.

But, then, as I read back of how I described the kind of love that i would want, it seems that it would all point back to the nearly impossible existence of a kind of love that's so PERFECT. Did I really don't want to wish for this or am I just denying the fact that I'm trying to prove it's existence?!

Total Opposite

Things just happened so fast. One minute, we're chatting on Facebook and the next thing I know, BOOM! we're sisters. I never thought our friendship would come this far. Just imagine two humans from different worlds came together and clicked. She is a sweet girl and I am not. She is a girlie girl and I am the opposite. She's a bit pessimistic while I am the other way. She kinda like mushy stuffs while I totally hate being one. She likes bright colors but all I see is black. She expresses what she feels while I totally hold back my emotions. She loves to be cuddled always while I just want it when in the mood. She's kinda have a weak character that can become strong while I am characterized as strong who sometimes cannot accept my weakness. Though we may have a lot of differences but we also have something in common. Both of us plays DOTA (LOLz). Both of us loves chocolates. Both of us loves adventure. Both of us loves the outside world. Both of us loves to explore. Both of us are cute (Way mo react...LOLz). Both of us are hard-headed, strong-willed. And I know that both of us are fighters. So, the both of us have our commonalities as well as our differences. In creating a bond of friendship, it's not always base on your commonalities. A friendship can be considered stronger when both of you were able to work on your differences. And as I always bear in mind, no matter who the person is or what the person is or where the person came from, he/she can be your friend if you just learn to accept of how he/she is being mold into a good being.

This is it!!!

Finally, I get to blog again. I missed it so much. I've created so many blog accounts way back but I've never get to maintain any of them. Well, except for one but, still, not really that much. And, now, that I get the chance to do this again, I would really keep this up. I may not be that excellent in writing stuffs but, hey, this is for free. All I need is just my mind full of thoughts, put them into words and publish it. If people would happen to get pass by my blog site then that's good. And it would be better if they would like it. But I wouldn't mind if my blogs would just be around the corner. I'm not doing this to get some spectators but to just write what I want and keep them here. And as I get older, I have something to look back, reminisce the thoughts that once crossed my mind. So, this would be a warm welcome for myself for getting a fresh start with blogging. Ciao!!!