Living in a dream of nightmare again…
I guess my wish of knowing you more is just so impossible to do…
I don’t wanna play around with emotions…this is for real…
For someone who’s been murdered by LOVE once, surely, would not allow another mayhem to destroy what is being left by the tragic fate.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Monday, April 05, 2010
Bantayan in Catmon
I was so damn excited about the Bantayan trip. Bantayan is all I have in mind for the entire week. But before that, we still have one more shift to accomplish then we're off.
In the morning of our last shift, I woke up early. I intended to because I still have to pack my things up for the trip before going to work because we'll be leaving right after the end of our shift. But much to my surprise, the excitement I just had felt for the entire week was gone. I mean, I no longer have that eagerness to get ready with all the stuffs that I'm gonna need. In fact, I was just sitting around, doing a movie marathon while waiting for the time.
An hour before I leave for work, the wind of change blew in. Out of the blue, I decided not to go and be in somewhere else. It was my all-time wish to start my summer with a blast and Bantayan was a perfect place to fulfill it. But to avoid too much complications, I came up with the heart-crushing decision to stay and be left behind by my colleagues and head my way to Catmon. I have to go to Catmon. I really need to go to Catmon.
My reasons may be ambiguous in this post but sooner or later, you would know and understand why I did such.
In the morning of our last shift, I woke up early. I intended to because I still have to pack my things up for the trip before going to work because we'll be leaving right after the end of our shift. But much to my surprise, the excitement I just had felt for the entire week was gone. I mean, I no longer have that eagerness to get ready with all the stuffs that I'm gonna need. In fact, I was just sitting around, doing a movie marathon while waiting for the time.
An hour before I leave for work, the wind of change blew in. Out of the blue, I decided not to go and be in somewhere else. It was my all-time wish to start my summer with a blast and Bantayan was a perfect place to fulfill it. But to avoid too much complications, I came up with the heart-crushing decision to stay and be left behind by my colleagues and head my way to Catmon. I have to go to Catmon. I really need to go to Catmon.
My reasons may be ambiguous in this post but sooner or later, you would know and understand why I did such.
Monday, March 08, 2010
It could have been
March 8, 2010.
Hmmm, I wonder what's with today?!
It's not my birthday. Not even a member of my family is celebrating their birthday today. Neither of my friends celebrates their natal day today. Even the couples I know, none of them are celebrating their monthsary or anniversary today.
But, if there was still us, it could have been ours. We could be celebrating our first year of being together. We could have been making a memorabilia out of this day. We could have shared this special moment.
Unfortunately, this day will just remain as a black and white memory. A memory that will be a part of the shadow of my past. And right at this instance, all I can say is,
"It could have been..." =(
Hmmm, I wonder what's with today?!
It's not my birthday. Not even a member of my family is celebrating their birthday today. Neither of my friends celebrates their natal day today. Even the couples I know, none of them are celebrating their monthsary or anniversary today.
But, if there was still us, it could have been ours. We could be celebrating our first year of being together. We could have been making a memorabilia out of this day. We could have shared this special moment.
Unfortunately, this day will just remain as a black and white memory. A memory that will be a part of the shadow of my past. And right at this instance, all I can say is,
"It could have been..." =(
Saturday, February 27, 2010
A Help or A Hassle?
"The guilt of being useless slowly devours my soul and harshly inflicting guilt into my heart."
I find myself useless of not being able to help despite the fact that I did everything that I could do, exerting all the effort that I have left.
I was his only refuge, as he would say. I am the only person he can turn to right now. I did tried to help out but did not contribute much solution to what he's going through. And with that, I can consider myself as a failure. A useless friend. Hearing the words from him that he's desperate, hopeless and is losing it, drives me to ask myself, "Was that really all that I can do? Was that my best effort?"
People who heard my story would say that I already did everything to help him out and there's no reason for me to be so obnoxious about it or murder myself with guilt. But if I were to speak for myself, I would say I was a bit of a slacker back there. I did not give much effort.
And now, I'm so damn worried of what's gonna happen to him next. Will things get worst that would make me more guilty of and have myself to blame and carry this conscience with me forever? Or would all of these come to a perfectly good end?
For now, all I can say is that I'm totally furious at myself and so worried sick for him. And the last thing we need is a miracle.
I find myself useless of not being able to help despite the fact that I did everything that I could do, exerting all the effort that I have left.
I was his only refuge, as he would say. I am the only person he can turn to right now. I did tried to help out but did not contribute much solution to what he's going through. And with that, I can consider myself as a failure. A useless friend. Hearing the words from him that he's desperate, hopeless and is losing it, drives me to ask myself, "Was that really all that I can do? Was that my best effort?"
People who heard my story would say that I already did everything to help him out and there's no reason for me to be so obnoxious about it or murder myself with guilt. But if I were to speak for myself, I would say I was a bit of a slacker back there. I did not give much effort.
And now, I'm so damn worried of what's gonna happen to him next. Will things get worst that would make me more guilty of and have myself to blame and carry this conscience with me forever? Or would all of these come to a perfectly good end?
For now, all I can say is that I'm totally furious at myself and so worried sick for him. And the last thing we need is a miracle.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
To All I Love
Today is not just a day for couples or for lovebirds. This a day for all of us. It's the day for us to love, to be loved and to share love. The day for us to celebrate for all the love we have in our hearts.
And as for me, it's another day where I get the chance to say what I have to say, do what I have to do for all those I love and for all those I hold so dear.
Where should I begin?! Hmmm...
How could I ever miss to mention our ever merciful Father. No one or nothing can ever surpass His greatness. Only He who has love me unconditionally. A kind of love that knows no boundary. Even the most notorious man on earth, He'd still find a way to cradle that person back. Just like me, no matter how I've been so stubborn and how I've been such a sinner, He always knocks on my heart and been trying to help me out find my way back to Him.
And of course, He always have my folks as His instruments who could help me out in everything. Without their constant guidance, I could be out on the street, living a wandering life. They may not be right at all times but, hey, they are just humans like me. But then again, through them, I was given the chance to live and enjoy everything about life.
Speaking of life, who could ever live it without friends?! If such human exists, that could be so sad. I mean, all of us would need a friend. Even just one friend. And I considered myself lucky to have such good friends. Friends who stick with me through thick and thin. Friends who had me at my best and far more better, at my worst. Friends I can always count on. Friends who always remained true.
And to one friend that I have loved and will forever love. Despite what happened between us, my heart still beats for you. Losing you may have been painful. But loving you from afar makes me happy and contented. The willingness of my heart to wait for you even if it takes forever may sound crazy for others but as for me, I can live with it with no regrets.
And I would like to commend those I love and those who have loved me and is still loving me.
Happy Hearts day to all of you!!! ^_^
And as for me, it's another day where I get the chance to say what I have to say, do what I have to do for all those I love and for all those I hold so dear.
Where should I begin?! Hmmm...
How could I ever miss to mention our ever merciful Father. No one or nothing can ever surpass His greatness. Only He who has love me unconditionally. A kind of love that knows no boundary. Even the most notorious man on earth, He'd still find a way to cradle that person back. Just like me, no matter how I've been so stubborn and how I've been such a sinner, He always knocks on my heart and been trying to help me out find my way back to Him.
And of course, He always have my folks as His instruments who could help me out in everything. Without their constant guidance, I could be out on the street, living a wandering life. They may not be right at all times but, hey, they are just humans like me. But then again, through them, I was given the chance to live and enjoy everything about life.
Speaking of life, who could ever live it without friends?! If such human exists, that could be so sad. I mean, all of us would need a friend. Even just one friend. And I considered myself lucky to have such good friends. Friends who stick with me through thick and thin. Friends who had me at my best and far more better, at my worst. Friends I can always count on. Friends who always remained true.
And to one friend that I have loved and will forever love. Despite what happened between us, my heart still beats for you. Losing you may have been painful. But loving you from afar makes me happy and contented. The willingness of my heart to wait for you even if it takes forever may sound crazy for others but as for me, I can live with it with no regrets.
And I would like to commend those I love and those who have loved me and is still loving me.
Happy Hearts day to all of you!!! ^_^
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