Where on Earth?!

I'm the kind of girl who doesn't settle living a home buddy life.  I am a person who wants to go to places.  Places that I have never been.  I want to explore.  Go for adventure.  See different things, different views.  Meet new people.  Be in a whole new environment. 

I mean, I only have one life to live and I don't intend to imprison it within the 4 corners of my humble abode.  There's a big world out there, ready to be explored and discovered.  Tough world, ready to be conquered.

Well, not really much with the conquering.  All I want is to see the world beyond my comfort zone.

Odds of the mind

Living in a dream of nightmare again…

I guess my wish of knowing you more is just so impossible to do…

I don’t wanna play around with emotions…this is for real…

For someone who’s been murdered by LOVE once, surely, would not allow another mayhem to destroy what is being left by the tragic fate.

Bantayan in Catmon

I was so damn excited about the Bantayan trip.  Bantayan is all I have in mind for the entire week.  But before that, we still have one more shift to accomplish then we're off.

In the morning of our last shift, I woke up early.  I intended to because I still have to pack my things up for the trip before going to work because we'll be leaving right after the end of our shift.  But much to my surprise, the excitement I just had felt for the entire week was gone.  I mean, I no longer have that eagerness to get ready with all the stuffs that I'm gonna need.  In fact, I was just sitting around, doing a movie marathon while waiting for the time.

An hour before I leave for work, the wind of change blew in.  Out of the blue, I decided not to go and be in somewhere else.  It was my all-time wish to start my summer with a blast and Bantayan was a perfect place to fulfill it.  But to avoid too much complications, I came up with the heart-crushing decision to stay and be left behind by my colleagues and head my way to Catmon.  I have to go to Catmon.  I really need to go to Catmon.

My reasons may be ambiguous in this post but sooner or later, you would know and understand why I did such.

It could have been

March 8, 2010. 

Hmmm, I wonder what's with today?! 

It's not my birthday.  Not even a member of my family is celebrating their birthday today.  Neither of my friends celebrates their natal day today.  Even the couples I know, none of them are celebrating their monthsary or anniversary today.

But, if there was still us, it could have been ours.  We could be celebrating our first year of being together.  We could have been making a memorabilia out of this day.  We could have shared this special moment.

Unfortunately, this day will just remain as a black and white memory.  A memory that will be a part of the shadow of my past.  And right at this instance, all I can say is,

"It could have been..." =(

A Help or A Hassle?

"The guilt of being useless slowly devours my soul and harshly inflicting guilt into my heart."

I find myself useless of not being able to help despite the fact that I did everything that I could do, exerting all the effort that I have left.

I was his only refuge, as he would say.  I am the only person he can turn to right now.   I did tried to help out but did not contribute much solution to what he's going through.  And with that, I can consider myself as a failure.  A useless friend.  Hearing the words from him that he's desperate, hopeless and is losing it, drives me to ask myself, "Was that really all that I can do?  Was that my best effort?"

People who heard my story would say that I already did everything to help him out and there's no reason for me to be so obnoxious about it or murder myself with guilt.  But if I were to speak for myself, I would say I was a bit of a slacker back there.  I did not give much effort.

And now, I'm so damn worried of what's gonna happen to him next.  Will things get worst that would make me more guilty of and have myself to blame and carry this conscience with me forever?  Or would all of these come to a perfectly good end?

For now, all I can say is that I'm totally furious at myself and so worried sick for him.  And the last thing we need is a miracle.

To All I Love

Today is not just a day for couples or for lovebirds.  This a day for all of us.  It's the day for us to love, to be loved and to share love.  The day for us to celebrate for all the love we have in our hearts.

And as for me, it's another day where I get the chance to say what I have to say, do what I have to do for all those I love and for all those I hold so dear.

Where should I begin?!  Hmmm...

How could I ever miss to mention our ever merciful Father.  No one or nothing can ever surpass His greatness.  Only He who has love me unconditionally.  A kind of love that knows no boundary.  Even the most notorious man on earth, He'd still find a way to cradle that person back.  Just like me, no matter how I've been so stubborn and how I've been such a sinner, He always knocks on my heart and been trying to help me out find my way back to Him.

And of course, He always have my folks as His instruments who could help me out in everything.  Without their constant guidance, I could be out on the street, living a wandering life.  They may not be right at all times but, hey, they are just humans like me.  But then again, through them, I was given the chance to live and enjoy everything about life.

Speaking of life, who could ever live it without friends?!  If such human exists, that could be so sad.  I mean, all of us would need a friend.  Even just one friend.  And I considered myself lucky to have such good friends.  Friends who stick with me through thick and thin.  Friends who had me at my best and far more better, at my worst.  Friends I can always count on.  Friends who always remained true.

And to one friend that I have loved and will forever love.  Despite what happened between us, my heart still beats for you.  Losing you may have been painful.  But loving you from afar makes me happy and contented.  The willingness of my heart to wait for you even if it takes forever may sound crazy for others but as for me, I can live with it with no regrets.

And I would like to commend those I love and those who have loved me and is still loving me.

Happy Hearts day to all of you!!! ^_^

Heart's Day for All

It's the month of February.  The town is painted with red.  Red balloons, red hearts, red roses all over the place.  And, obviously, people would know what this would mean.  Even a 3 year old child could determine that Valentines Day is just one sleep away.

A lot are now preoccupied with what they're gonna do on that day and how are they gonna celebrate it romantically with their partners.  Ideas are just flowing from time to time.  People just wanted the best on this day.  Flowers of expensive costs doesn't bother the guys as long as they could give the most beautiful ones.  Ladies don't mind the blisters they get from spending all day walking around, looking for the perfect gift.  They wanted it to be the most memorable and unforgettable moment.  They wanted to make their partners happy.

Now that goes for the couples.

But what about those without partners?!  The single ones?!

Can't they be happy on this day?!  Can't they celebrate this day as well?!

Many would say that this day is day for couples, for lovebirds.  But can't Valentines Day, a day for all, even to single people?!

There are a lot more to just celebrating it with partners.  The day can be celebrated with your family, your friends, and all of those whom you love so dear.  Single guys and ladies don't have to be lonely on this day.  They don't have to isolate their selves at home.  Others would tend to indulge their selves to work to divert their attention from the lonely feeling that they're getting on this Day. 

Why does it have to be this way?!  I mean, com'on!  Don't pity yourself much for being single on that day.  Don't pressure yourself much for not having a partner yet on that day. 

There's more to life than just having a partner.

HAPPY HEARTS DAY TO ONE AND ALL!!! ^_^

Are you still there?

Hi pretty me!  How are you doin’?  Been so silent lately.  I know you’re hooked up with work but it seems that you are running backwards.  You’re going back to your old life again.  Hmmm, did you drown yourself into the ocean of craziness?!  Uh oh!!  You’re slowly breaking yourself into pieces again.  Get a grip of yourself.  Weren’t you drained after that nightmare ride of horror?!  I mean, com’on.  Everything around you seems getting better.  Everyone seems to get along.  Sweetie, can you at least try to be more conscientious?!  Have mercy on yourself, my dear.  A lot out there is damn concern about you.  Can you at least be good to yourself this time?!  Would you do it for me, please?!

Perfect Disguise

I thought having an account with tumblr.com would just be like any other normal account I have.  But it turned out to be surprisingly awesome.  With my tumblr account, I am now connected to civilization again.    What I meant was, I can now connect to twitter daily even without accessing their main site.  I’m so loving tumblr so much.  Tumblr is one of a kind.  I just hope that IT guys won’t notice this.  But even so, I get to enjoy it already.

Perfect Embarrassment

Just an ordinary day.  Having an ordinary meal for meal break with my lunch mate.  That turned out to be an extraordinary perfect and funny embarrassment.    Me and my lunch mate were just having an ordinary conversation and I was about to take a sip on my ordinary coke and poof, it became KOKO KRUNCH.    That’s not what actually happened.    Well, the coke just went right into my shirt and pants and I got myself a COKE Bath.  How refreshing was that!!    Good thing I was wearing black and it hides the “wetness indicator”.    Not my shirt though.  But I can have my jacket as a cover.
Lesson learned:  Coke bath is way better than milk bath. 

Holiday hangovers

I had my New Year vacation ahead of my teammates because of fever.  Again!  Yeah, just like last year.  It’s been 2 years, in a row, now that I always celebrated New Year not in a good health condition.  Just got better last Saturday.  And now it’s Monday.  My first workday for the year 2010.  It’s not that I don’t want to go to work but I still wanna stay at home.  I still crave for my bed.  Sleep all day.  Can I extend my Holiday vacation with 1 more week?  I know.  I know it’s not possible.  I know.
Duty calls!

Building the gap

I can’t just sit and watch on my friends having indifference.  I have to do something about it.  None of us here on earth are perfect.  Conflicts are normal.  But letting it sleep and do nothing about it is beyond normal.  The fire begins from a smoke.  Big things starts from small things.  If misunderstandings are ignored, then, it becomes the root of hatred.  So, instead of tolerating it and just let it pass, sit down for a moment and have a small settling talk to avoid the gap of friendship.

Breakup Blues

It's been 7 months since we had our break up.  We've been together for just only 2 months.  But it seemed that it affected me like I'm losing a couple of years of a relationship.  I took it so hard like it was the most tragic event that I have to encounter.  The worst of all worsts.

Because of such, more likely, I find myself staring at the open with a blank face.  My mind wandering its way back to the memories that we had.

Reminiscing those moments we spent together.  Rekindling those days that I was by your side, damn worried, because you got so sick.  Remembering those times that you and I pretty much talk about anything under the sun.

So many memories that reminds me so much of you.

I'm half-crazy over you.  No, not just half!  I'm totally crazy over you.  I'm head over heels with you.  I'm so in love with you.

Doesn't those stuffs make it more obvious of how it affects me so much?!  My blog says it all.  My facebook status, my twitter tweets.  Those sleepless nights.  Those tears.

I'll never get over you!

'Tis Christmas

Christmas is just a few hours from now.  I'm kinda excited about it, honestly.  After 3 years of spending Christmas at work, I finally get to enjoy noche buena with my family.  I finally get to celebrate Christmas at home.

The excitement I have can be compared to that of a child.  Can't blame myself for feeling this way.  For the past years, I've been spending the holidays just in my work station.  I witness some fireworks but I just watched them behind the glass window of our office.  On my way to the office, I saw people on the streets mingling with their neighbors, counting down the hours for Christmas eve, greeting each other "Happy Holidays".  That was kinda sad for me.

But now, I get to do those stuffs as well.  I get to enjoy the season without being stuck at my work station, answering calls from people I don't really know of.

'Tis the Christmas to remember.

Happy Holidays everyone!

For You

This blog is intended for you.  I'm not sure if you can read this or if you will read this.  But I wrote this to let you know what I want to say and how I still feel for you.

It's your big day today.  I just wanna greet you a happy candles cake day!  I wish you would have a great day today.  You are so blessed with your friends and with your family as well.  Just do take care of your life and health.  You know how much I care for you.  You are a witness to that.

Anyways, I do miss you so much.  I miss those days that we were still together.  I miss those days were you never missed to paint a smile on my face.  I miss those times that you made me feel everything is gonna be just fine.  Even those moments were you made me feel that someone is still there when everyone turns their back away from me.

I should have hold on much longer.  I shouldn't have given up on us too easily.  But the fear of being ignored overruled me.  The fear of being just the second one to your family caused me to let go.  I know I was a bit selfish on that matter.  But I am not asking for all of your time.  All I wanted was for you to spare even a single minute for me.  Even a single empty text message would do as long as I can see your name appearing on my phone.  With that, you would assure me that you still exists for me.  Is that too much to ask?

I don't know how you feel for me right at this moment.  But all I know is that I still do, honestly, love you so much.  Call me a crazy, a stupid or a freak but I still have that little hope in me that somehow, someday, time will give us the chance to be together again.  And if that chance would come, I would surely hold on to it and never let go of that again.

Once again, have a happy natal day!

I miss you and I love you!

SRP (Sunset Ride with Papa) Part II

Once again, I found myself just situated behind my dad who's driving the motorcycle.  It's a bit uncomfortable since I got a couple of bags sitting on my lap.  But, nonetheless, nothing can stop me from appreciating the beauty of sunset.

The street is a bit busy today.  It's filled with the rumbling noise coming from the different rides around us.  It's jam packed with travelers eagerly heading to each of their humble abode.  But then again, all of these has no sense to me when I've got my eye on the relaxing view of the horizon.

I never get tired of nature appreciation.  It doesn't bore me.  Even if I would just sit on the mountain top all day, watching the sun from the time it rises until the time it sets down, for me it would be a soothing thing to do.

SRP (Sunset Ride with Papa)

A sunset ride.

As we entered the vicinity yesterday afternoon, a picture of a beautiful sunset was revealed.  The horizon was painted with flaming red.  The ocean calmly awaits for the day to end.  The street lights brighten the road for the travelers.  And as we speed up, I can feel the strong blow of the wind.

Vehicles may be rumbling down the road, racing their hearts out towards their destination.  But I can still hear the children laughing, playing, running around the street side.  Their little happy voice calms me within.  Giving me a moment to reminisce my childhood days.

As we go along the way, I can see the people getting ready for the night.  I see them out of their houses also await for the sun to set, for the day to end.  Some are attending to their front yard.  Some are preparing for supper.  Some are mingling with their neighbors.

With this ride, I have realized that life is as simple as that.  At the start of the day, people start to work on their daily routine until the end of the day.  As the sun finally rests, it would only mean one thing.  Another day to live life as simple as it can be.

A Heart's Cry

 I was never contented 'Til I found you.  I was so happy that, finally, we've been Together.  And all I ever wanted was to Grow old with you.  I was thinking that When God made you, God must have spent a little more time on you.  From the heart, I promised myself to be with and to love you always.

But, then, came my worst nightmare.  I may have gave up on us easily but, still, I stay in love with you.

I admit that I'm Half crazy over you.  Not just half-crazy but totally over you.  Even head over heels.

Thought I had my One last cry over you but I was wrong.  Many sleepless nights followed that tears just keep pouring down.  My friends would say that one last talk to clear things out would do Before I let you go but it's not enough for me.  I don't mind if you stick to enjoying your life but Why can't it be us?!

I have waited before, then, I can still Wait for you.

Ancient Wonders

The Sphinx and the pyramids in Egypt. Atlantis, the lost city. Ancient relics buried underground. Secret passages yet to be discovered.

Those were just a few of the wondrous things created by our ancestors. Those are some proofs that there are more beyond what our eyes can see. There are more that are yet to be discovered. There are more that are yet to be known by mankind.

Though history was old-fashioned but, definitely, the present is way too far out. We may be living in a world run by the best technologies. We may be living a life in a fast pace. But the outstanding creations of ancient mankind is beyond compare.

No wonder there is so much abundance before compare today. Talking about all the treasures that they're getting. Their dedication to nature paid-off. They are now part of our ancient history. They left a mark for us to rekindle. Those are the real treasures that is of no monetary value. Treasures of life that is worth fighting for.

Missing Piece

I've got a new job. I found a resolution to my problem. I should be happy. I am happy. But when I would really dig deeper within me, it seems that something is still missing. It's something that I really don't know what it is. It's something that really haunts me everyday. It's something that really fogs my mind about it. It's something that I really don't have any idea where and how to find it. It's something that is really killing me. It's something that really drives me nuts.

Every minute of the day, questions would just flood me. Questions that can't be answered. Or let's just say, questions that has answers but I haven't just found them yet. Or maybe, the answers are just there but I just don't recognize them or I'm just in denial of those. Everyday, I would ask myself, "What would that missing piece be?". And everyday, I would try to find the answer. I'm actually sick and tired of going through this dilemma.

But I guess, answers will just come as I walk through my life's own path. And I think the answer to my dilemma is just around the corner. All I need is just to be aware of it and bring it into acknowledgment and learn to accept it into my life.

Missing piece, I'm on my way to find you.